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Pan Macmillan

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Ben Trovato: “Fifa Has Turned Me Into a Low-rent Junkie”

IncognitoSatirist Ben Trovato, whose identity was recently revealed in Incognito, has come to the realisation that he has a problem: “If there is a game of soccer on the telly, I have to watch. I wallow in my own filth and watch. Fifa has turned me into a low-rent junkie and it’s pathetic.”

“Trying to get me off the couch right now is like leaving a gram of coke on the heated seat of Maradona’s diamond-encrusted bidet and expecting him to flush it away. It’s simply asking too much,” Trovato writes in a column on his blog.

Read more about his obsessive World Cup watching:

My bum is a mess of weeping couch sores and my face looks like roadkill. And still I cannot stop. If there is a game of soccer on the telly, I have to watch. I wallow in my own filth and watch. Fifa has turned me into a low-rent junkie and it’s pathetic.

Trying to get me off the couch right now is like leaving a gram of coke on the heated seat of Maradona’s diamond-encrusted bidet and expecting him to flush it away. It’s simply asking too much.

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